Yes Virginia, there is roof poop, and it is important to know who it belongs too. And I'm going to prove it.
If the roof suffers damage without wind, war or earthquake and large tears or holes exist, the roof detective needs to evaluate the forensics. We can tell when trees have been cut down by swooping marks on the roof so isn't it logical to use other evidence to determine why a hole has been made. Fingerprints, claws marks and bite and gnaw marks are often left as hints at who your enemy is. On the other side, of the culprit that is, some droppings of the fecal type might give you clues.
Once you have enough experience looking at the dung/ roof damage combinations, without ever setting a foot on Texas A & M campus, you are soon able to tell the customer who, or what, damaged his, or her, roof. I've seen raccoon, peacock (read earlier blog of that interesting story), woodpecker (although they usually attack siding as the fowl did to my house before pulling insulation out and throwing it all over the yard before he vanished), squirrel, dog (the idiots let their dog get on the roof, human child (although no poop was left they tore up the roof...clothing held the evidence) possum, and cat. Yes cat. I waited until I saw the guy jump up there and pull wood shingles off. The client told me he saw the cat do it but I was skeptical until I saw it for myself. I love cats like that.
Knowing who pooped the roof can help in the elimination of the poop problem. This is no joke...No shit.
So after writing this I googled "roof poop" and found a whole universe of blogs and videos on this dark subject:
We roofers, from installer, through salesmen, to company owners, buy a lot of trucks. We live in our trucks. Most spend more time with their truck than they do with their significant other. So the decision of what to buy should be made carefully, right? Nope I tell you. The decision has been made for you. Here's my story about the new space truck I bought from Westway Ford in Irving:
As all diligent buyers I did my homework and asked a lot of questions. I familiarized myself with all the available options. Now I'm a Ford man and always have been. Some will quit reading because this is as close to politics and religion as a man can get with other men.
When I announced my intent to buy a new truck all my gym buddies started filling me with information and extolling the virtues of their trucks. Everyday for two weeks they'd ask me if I has made a purchase. We dudes are worse than women buying handbags on sale. "For crying out loud. I'm taking my time because this is where my bondoons will nestle for the foreseeable future."
As my GAF Senior Territory Rep, Kenny Brock, would say is be sure and check out the GAF/Ford plan. I've heard good stuff about it from the Master Elites who've taken advantage of it. He would check-in periodically and ask me to tell him how it went and remind me of the GAF plan with Ford. He too was a hand bag shopper.
The big day came. I sharpened my sword, put on my armor and went into battle. Forward I marched onto the dealer lot with my internet data, Edmond's True Pricing Report and my GAF X Plan from GAF and an experienced assistant to hand me my weapons.
The salesman greeted me at the door with a practiced smile and led me into the torture chamber. Soon a more experienced warrior arrived and we began the debate. Pens sparked against pen and fake smiles penetrated the battle. The first salvo was MSRP, a weapon used against the simple minded to think that a few grand off is a good deal.
The Ford soldiers went back and forth and got secret new deals from master control. One of them shuttled back and forth bringing "set in stone" pricing. Then we pulled out the Edmonds rapier. They continuedwith the same battle plan, ignoring the so called expert in pricing. Edmonds said $38,018, counting the rebates and discounts for a Lariat but not the King Ranch.
We went outside and I saw a one color pearl King Ranch. It was color I wanted but was told King Ranch only came in a two tone. It was love at first sight and I knew I had to rescue the damsel. She was prettier than the Lone Ranger's horse. I was consumed like a schoolboy but managed to contain my glee.
After failing to bring the kidnappers down I pulled out my GAF/Ford X Plan. The opposing warriors slumped and asked why I hadn't just showed them this earlier. Their hand were tied. They said they had to honor a pricing. I could see their commission checks leave their body like a soul from a fallen warrior. I looked into their eyes and listened to their Klingon death scream. We won.
$50,500.00 MSRP fell to $43,000.00 and the warranty cost dropped by over half to $1300.00 for additional coverage on all the electronics.
This truck is all business. It is a Texas Hot Rod Lincoln. With the twin turbo it is almost as fast as a 12 cylinder Jaguar I had years ago. The moon roof ( in Texan it is a sun roof and in Spanish it is a coconut burner or quema-coco), electric rear cab window, giant back seat, heated and air-conditioned seats in front and back, GPS, bluetooth, Rich King Ranch Texas leather, Sony sound system better than the system in my home, Sirius Radio, navigation, backup camera, side steps for the sides and tailgate and beautiful wheels with Bridgestone tires make this the best and most beautiful truck I've ever owned.
After two guys at the gym saw it, I had new nicknames: Jon "white truck" Wright and Jon 'King Ranch pearl truck" Wright. Even those who had the 4x4 diesel F250's said my truck was better even though their MSRP was 10k more.
John Arellano, the Master Elite Southwest Region Manager, said "it exuded business."
100,515 is the number of page views this forum has had in it few years in existence. If I've helped anyone, and a few have said I did, it is worth it. If all the experienced people of all the different professions could just help us all, this would be a much better world.
Now just who was that 100k visitor. The free roof is waiting for you in the front of the store.
Now I'm asking, I believe for the first or second time, for readers to share their roofing, siding, window, ventilation and solar stories with us. Stories tell morals and lessons to follow or not to follow. and if you really have the cajones you can become a follower. I promise to to send you anything but a message...maybe not even that.
By the way, the name Jon Wright Industries might become more common as insurance companies are trying to deny us general contracting fees when we handle a lot of various trades. It's not that we don't do the work, it is semantics to avoid doing what they should do. We did. We did all the work. We managed a lot of trades, some intersecting. We walked like a duck, smelled like a duck but our name was not duck like. So we weren't a duck? A rose by any other name is still a rose.
'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself.