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Saturday, February 5, 2011

Super Bowl Roofing and Valentine's Day Massacre

The amount of precipitation, of various kinds, has smacked Dallas around like stories from either The Books of Referations or X-O-dus, which  alike tell of the masses coming for a great event in our modern Sodom and Gomorrah, and catastrophes befalling the emissaries of the Cult of The Super Bowl.

"Great sheets of ice shall strike the non believers in the noggin after a week of cold wind, ice, and snow. The legions of the leagues shall pay out their gold to the gods of the arena and Jerry of the Jones shall take their souls in flight.They will knell in the Death Star and gaze into the jumbotron. Only the game's end shall free the people to the X-O-dus back to their families whence they came. The children will wheeze and cough and the walls will discolor. After the battle has concluded the sinners will return to their frozen and barren Yankee lands while we, the chosen ones, shall bask in the warm sun, free of their cursed lamentations of how bad Texas is." Thus spoke the commissioner.

What I'm trying to say is that while everyone is caught up in Super Bowl Fever, the cold water has been penetrating under their shingles and slime molds are beginning. If your roof is not ventilated correctly according to the "Soda Straw Theory," formerly known as "The Chimney Effect," The wetness of backed up water shall distort their plywood, mildew their felt and shingles, and spald their chimney bricks.

The respiratory aliments and allergies of their children, and even themselves, shall explode exponentially. This is some of the worst stuff that can happen to a roof if the roofer they used has no idea what The "300 Rule" is.

Now is the time to survey the attic for moisture, check your soffits for leaking, look in the closets, and see if the roof and gutters are free of debris. Don't forget to look behind the chimney and look for backing out nails.

Noteworthy is that sarcasm can carry a roofing blog only so far. Where are the questions? We had a good run as Dear Abernathy but the well seems to have run dry.

For all you Casanovas out their with reasonably happy relationships, don't forget to have your florist to send a pretty bouquet to wherever your mate's peers can survey them. The power lies not in the flora but in the gloating of the addressee over the lesser women who once considered themselves her equal. Now the ladies of the office or social club know a man is completely under her ether and like a good zombie follows her every whim. That is the temporary image she portrays. They shall beg her for her magic and advice and make her feel like superwoman for at least a half hour. Otherwise a new Saint Valentine's Day Massacre shall befall your reasonably happy relationship, and if the roof leaks too, your relationship might not survive. Then you'll have to part with lots of money that she already has access to and you'll have to wash your own clothes. Take it from a man who cooks and washes daily. She deserves it anyway because you just expect her to provide you with what she does and her only days of glory are Valentines, Mother's Day, her birthday, and your wedding day. The other 361 1/4 days you get the flowers and clean clothes.

I think those guys dressed in white with the padded van are here to put me in that weird jacket that makes it impossible to scratch your nose. I gotta go.

Jon Alan Wright
Jon Wright Roofing, Siding, and Windows
1915 Peters Rd., Suite 310
Irving, TX 75061
972.251.1818 Office
214.718.3748 Cell
Master Elite Roofer: (Scroll to the bottom)

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