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Saturday, April 17, 2010

Roofers are the best for Solar Energy.

As the world turns (planet spins out of control) we are all faced with two personal dilemmas. The first is how do we keep the lights on and how do we keep the lights on for our progeny. Having completed the first part of my obligation to the species, having children, I now worry about what will happen to them and my grand children.
Every new discovery of oil seems to place either in lands controlled by psychos or the shear finding makes them so. Therefore I conclude that oil is a psychotic and is bad. Being a believer in natural cures, I have found the cure: enlightenment.
When I was a young man putting on roofs I noticed that there seemed to be an abundance of light on the roof. Photons, Texas green tea, I was a solar collector and stored the sun's energy in my skin, hair, and blood. I wasn't an efficient battery and couldn't be connected to grid, at least not for very long even though my ladder seemed to wanting this.
We roofers can be solar collectors. We know the territory where the sun shines better than anyone else. We know where it is strong and weak, where it is prone to leak, where the most sun is, how to get heavy stuff up and down from there without damaging it or killing somebody, and how to mount stuff up there without causing leaks. Well, most of us do anyway. These are already are skills and they ate 100% useful where the sun shines the most on your home.
Eureka! I've found the cure for the greatest problème du jour: how to continue with our current lifestyle without destroying our pocketbooks or the future of the planet.
It's me! and Ryan too of course. I can save the world and be famous. By providing continual daylight renewable energy through the process of capturing photos we might even stop global warming. We'll absorb the light and make it back into light again.
Our machines will be like plant life, feeding off the sun rather than burning dead plants like mammals do. By bringing that great nuclear power facility to earth we no longer need to pump CO2 into the atmosphere, pollute the water supply, and cause cancer.
Now we can get back to the problems of the 1970's:overpopulation, starvation and disease. We'll solve these problems in our vinyl siding division.
Better a little pain than species annihilation.
For the last year and a half we've been studying alternative energy, joined the Solar Energy Institute of America, and have been bent over our calculators figuring out how to become the new PAX TECTUM, a thousand year Reich of Light. the instigators of world peace. No more world wars over resources.
Of course the evil roofers will try to damage your solar machine or make them leak. One lady at the gym (yes ladies go there) told me her daughter's roofer told her he couldn't guarantee that they wouldn't leak. Isn't he special. Now the panels lay behind her shed. We could make them into a patio cover, carport, or a slip and slide.
Wouldn't the world be a special place if just a few of us put them on. With the tax credits and cash rebates available you could go to the party and claim to be the greenest one in the room, causing the socialites to be green with envy. Go ahead, brag about your new utility company, how your meter runs backward like an Australian toilet, or how you personally have stopped leaving a cloud of death on your grandchildren's door, like the Passover or the acid rain.
There's also wind energy and you might not need a roofer to put it up but the new improved roofer can hook you up and calculate your wattage needs.
The Nuclear Roofer, the EverReady Roofer, the Roofer of the Future, Super Roofer, has arrived and he's here to help. The photovoltaic and photolytic roofing company will make your roof make you rich and popular. Plus you'll feel good about yourself. Do you think you'd really regret investing in something as purely good as God's free gift to man:

1:3 - And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
1:4 - And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
Without this fiat lux we are without form and void. Solar energy from your roof is a gift that keeps on giving and when it is gone it must mean it's judgment day.
Jon Wright